Online-Dating with Asian Ladies – The Best Tips for Your Profile, Your Chat, Your First Date

Updated January 2022  |  © Fully Copyrighted © |  Deutsche Fassung

This is about online dating with Southeast-Asian ladies, including Thai women and Filipinas, concentrating on serious longterm relationships, not on short flings. Links to the sections:

Some Websites for Online-Dating with Asians

  • DateinAsia.com: covers all Asia, has many Filipinas (some working abroad), also Thais and many more (filter your preferred nationality); free usage of all functions including seemingly unlimited text-pic-messages, unlimited profile images, search according to her age preference, video calls right out of her profile; no app, no pay scheme
  • Pinalove.com: for Filipinas (partly working abroad), same interface as Thaifriendly.com with same restrictions for non-paying users (for western male non-paying users: ladies with „Premium“ stickers can’t be messaged to, only 1 message per 10 minutes, only 3 profile pics)
  • Thaifriendly.com: for Thai women, same interface as Pinalove.com with same restrictions for non-paying users (for western male non-paying users: ladies with „Premium“ sticker can’t be messaged to, only 1 message per 10 minutes, only 3 profile pics)
  • OKCupid.com: world-wide, not restricted to Asia, soft restrictions for non-paying members, lots of space for your own text, images and opinions, the eloquent Asian lady may well show off her erudition here; belongs to Match Group just as Tinder (Wiki), partly similar interface, but more space for text
  • AsiaFriendFinder.com: extremely subtle filtering, searching and matching, perhaps useful only for paying members on a serious quest
  • Tinder.com: in Asia also popular to find long-term relationships, not just for flings; belongs to Match Group just as OKCupid, partly same interface, but much less copy space

Conditions above may have changed by now. Those dating services all run on regular internet browsers on computer or mobile phone. You don’t need to install a stressful app on your mobile to use them, even if some sites urge you to. Add blockers will improve your experience.

You’ll realize quickly which site is more infested with spam profiles. You can build up interesting connections to Asian ladies while using these services in free, non-paying mode. From two weeks before travelling to Asia and throughout your stay I would pay for the service, so you won’t run into frustrating limitations. Alternatively, use the free and convenient DateinAsia.com.

Too Hot to be True – Avoiding Scams

She’s too hot to be true, and likewise her devotion to you? Something mightn’t be true indeed. Don’t get carried away. Rushed love whispers and digital hormone floods are ridiculous. You know that just as well. Stay sceptical. Authentic contacts understand that.

  • Search the net for „Romance Scam“. It’s a a worldwide business and sometimes includes blackmailing.
  • Remain strictly anonymous. Don’t use even parts of your real name for dating profile, e-mail address and Skype account. Don’t show her your Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn, nor your WhatsApp number (it reveals your real mobile phone number). Don’t show her your passport. For your dating profile, use pictures that are not in your Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn.
  • Ask her for a →Video Call. If she refuses a video call for days on end, don’t trust her excuses any longer and block „her“. Short of a personal meeting, a video call is the best way to verify a lady. And even then you might get fooled by an „actress“.
  • Gorgeous pictures and text may be hints of a scam. Do a reverse search on her profile pictures to see if her picture really belongs to any porn star, fashion model, Facebooker or Instagrammer.
  • Search the net for her profile text and message text – her sweet words might pop up on anouther 20.000 websites.
  • Ask yourself: Could I tell friends, colleagues or family about this online woman? Could I introduce this woman to friends, colleagues and family? No? Why not? And so?
  • Don’t accept any pressure, never feel compassion for her supposed miseries, never let a bad conscience grab you.
  • Never send her money. Never. Even if you feel so compassionate or horny.
  • Never.
  • Switch your brain back on.

Your Dating Profile – the Text

  • Always start with an alias name, not with a real name. In the first weeks, or ever, don’t reveal your Facebook, your WhatsApp, Instagram, TikTok, phone number (even if Asians happily post their contact information). Get anonymous accounts for e-mail and Skype
  • Analyze the profiles of other guys in your age group from your country. Why are they so ridiculous in text and images? How would a female regard them? Do it better
  • But don’t overdo it: 5 to 7 sentences will do, otherwise many ladies will shriek away
  • Have you been in-country before? Do mention a few experiences, including vocabulary, food, music – but only positive things
  • Positive Emojis in your profile text are welcome too 😀👍
  • In your profile, don’t complain about spammers, scammers and gold diggers. That sounds aggressive und puts nice ladies under unjustified suspicion. The spammers, scammers and gold diggers won’t read your complaint anyway – they keep blindly spamming and scamming you. Don’t even ignore them. Be positive always
  • Be strictly honest with age, photos, wishes, own kids. The ladies get cheated all the time. They prefer an unattractive oldie over a too-good-to-be-true faker. Attention: Some entries in a dating profile can only be changed once, or never, including age and profile name. And it may be much more complicated than you think to delete one profile and then to set up a new profile, if you come back with the same face, IP address and mobile number
  • Asian ladies often dislike tattooes, cigarettes, currant relationships, affinity for non-traditional forms of relationship

Your Dating Profile – the Images

  • Show nice, lively pics, with smiles, with kids and friends (blurred), with music instrument, living quarters, nature, poodle – no dull staring, no icecold hero
  • Don’t show yourself with a female arm around your shoulder or with female hair to be seen on your shoulder (→chapter Jealousy)
  • No dull selfies in the corridor, no ridiculous boaster props like sun-glasses, Maserati, wine glass, private plane, golf club, hairy chest, face mask
  • Asian ladies adore blue eyes, blond hair, fair skin – show what you got (they will dream of your future interethnic babe)
  • Crop away empty image areas (wall, sky). It will show you yourself larger in the profile; but avoid very high or very wide proportions, the result should roughly tend towards a square or regular postcard proportions
  • Avoid photos hinting at alcoholism and rowdyism, as in the beer pub or with a beer can
  • Well shaved or decent beard; a three-day-stubble may be considered unkempt
  • Your outfit: fresh, casual, decent, clean. No showing off, no unwashed slob either

Strategies for Online Dating

  • Don’t just browse the top page for all women hanging out right now: You meet too many fakes and uninteresting ones. Filter for location, age range, number of kids, her age preference etc. Use the filters wisely. By filtering the location you might also find Asian ladies in USA, UK etc. (but a western location is often fake information)
  • Yet if you simply browse the front page – after midnight local time you’ll see many creatures of the night (Thai bars often close at 1 or 2 a.m.) (→Good Girls). From 7 to 11 p.m. local time many clerks and sales staff are online (they surf dating sites also during business hours, but less energetically)
  • Block or hide uninteresting ladies so they won’t distract you and to free up space for new faces
  • If you plan on meeting some ladies in-country: Don’t search across all provinces, instead concentrate on a few places; so you can meet several ladies without changing location each time, even if that may generate jealousy (→section Jealousy, →section Travel Planning)
  • Keep in mind that ladies in metropolitan areas may not give a well-known „location“ such as „Bangkok“, „Phuket“ or „Manila“. Instead, their profile may list a subdivision such as Don Meuang, Sukhumvit or Nonthaburi (Greater Bangkok), Rawai, Kata or Patong (Phuket) or Mandaluyong, Pasig oder Taguig (NCR Manila)
  • After a few messages, interesting ladies should be verified by video call (→section Video Call). If she refuses with whatever excuse, find a more honest one. She may request a video call from you, maybe even in her profile text; accept, because it’s justified
  • You never know if the whole dating site closes down or if you or your contact get locked out (at least for non-paying members), for whatever reason. So if a lady is important to you, secure alternative communication early, such as e-mail, WhatsApp or Skype. Suggest it politely, inobtrusively, not on day 1 of chatting. Explain your request
  • Take notes about important contacts, including birthday, names of pets, kids or siblings, name of employer, favourite food, perhaps a photo folder. Introduce such personal info into later in your exchanges, inquire about non-sensitive personal things, and thus prove yourself as an attentive, mindful western suitor

Her Dating Profile

Many profiles are

  • (almost) empty
  • self-contradictory („city Manila“, „i work here in Dubai“)
  • nonsensical
  • copied (the proof is in the Google)
  • outdated
  • aimed at other purposes: money-making, job-search, hunt for social media followers, hunt for mobile numbers, pretending a larger/hotter female demographic on the site

Photos are partly outdated, blurred, grainy, underexposed, showing others. The cameras‘ beauty filters smooth their skin and enlarge eyes.

Some dating sites show more junk profiles than others, you’ll realise quickly. Report clearly bad profiles – commercial interests – using buttons such as „Report profile“, and then block them.

Report only clearly bad junk profiles, don’t report too many and never send angry messages to scammers: You yourself could be deleted. Und after such a deletion it may be very difficult to come back with a new profile, a new e-mail addy isn’t enough at all: You might need another mobile number, another face, another IP address.

Some ladies forget they have a profile (because they never see it) and they claim not to know how to rectify the blatant errors in their profiles. If you want to comment on her profile, explicitly refer to it („in your profile you say that…“) – otherwise she won’t know you’re quoting from her profile.

Her Communication

Conservative ladies and those who call themselves „shy“ often expect the man to do the first step: send the first message, suggest the first video call, suggest the second video call, suggest the first meeting and also the second.

Kiss and heart emojis 😘💋😙💏💌🥰 in the ladies‘ text chats signify a charmed smile and not a love statement. Don’t believe any love promises or forecasts about the future such as „Of course i will always…“ – they are just words that have to be double-checked in a later real-life encounter. You just can’t insist on past promises in old text-chats.

Most ladies won’t read your precious profile. They just react to your photos (spammers don’t even look at pics). Then they will send you an emoji, a „hi“ or something copy-pasted generic. They might ask you info that you clearly state in your profile, such as your country and age – if they ask anything at all: many ladies enjoy interviews about their lives and countries, but aren’t interested in yours.

To check if someone did read your profile (and not just says so, as they tend to do), finish your profile with something like „Thanks for reading – please start your message to me with ‚Oh, nice‘, so that i know you actually read me“.

Many ladies don’t write on the laptop, they only have twiddly half-broken mobile phones and bad English, the auto correction ruins the rest. Sometimes they type 3 sentences and then they lose their draft through some mishap (which is more likely when typing into a dating site, not into a webmailer such as Gmail where drafts are continually saved; still you have to find the saved draft after the mishap).

Some ladies let others write for them or use Google Translate for profile and text chatting. Google Translate can handle Thai script both ways, and a host of other Asian languages. Only a →Video Call will reveal her true language skills (if she doesn’t hire a stand-in).

Even ladies with decent English might not produce usable communication. They initiate a text chat and obviously want to continue, still they only produce bland or nonsensical messages not apt to keep the conversation going. The man has to struggle to keep the chat flowing. They may be gorgeous women, just not great conversationalists.

A typical chat:

 

🙎: Hi

👨🏼: Hi

🙎: Hw r u

👨🏼: Thx fine

🙎 thinks: You old bore! Can’t hold a conversation. Can’t even spell 🤷.

 

Or:

 

👨🏼: Should we have the video call today or tomorrow?

🙎: Ok.

 

👨🏼: Again, should we have the video call today or tomorrow?

🙎: Yes.

 

👨🏼: So maybe we should have the video call today?

🙎: how r u

 

👨🏼: Video call right now?

🙎: ((3 days no reply))

🙎 ((on day 4)): how r u

👨🏼: ((1 day no reply))

🙎: ((on day 2)): Why don’t you write me, what’s wrong, you found new lady?

GOOD Things for Your Chat and for Your First Date

  • write several short messages. Don’t write one long sermon, which will never get a full reply, may  not even be fully read
  • write and speak clear, simple standard English – short sentences, no abbreviations, no slang, no show-off-verbiage. Start with very simple language and always ask yourself how your text might sound for others, especially for not-perfectly-anglophone ladies from a different culture
  • ask after her well-being, her work, her dinner, her family, her poodle, her weekend plan
  • be always funny, laid-back, always; never annoyed, grumpy or angry
  • include at least a few positive emojis 😊👋, they replace the all-important real-life smiles
  • include photos. Best photos are your family, your poodle, snow, good food, kids, funny stuff. Do not include saddening, disturbing, sexual photos. Asians expect you to be on about every photo, even if you just want to show her the flowers in your garden; being in there yourself builds up trust
  • always and always be polite, well-natured and funny in a simple way
  • easy to grasp jokes and anecdotes, best accompanied with laughing😂emojis; not complicated jokes with cultural or political references she may not know about
  • praise what you like about her country, including friendliness, landscape, beaches, food, culture, temples, weather
  • learn about her everyday culture – food, music, holidays – from friends, books, websites, documentaries, and mention your knowledge; this pleases your contact
  • making an appointment for a phone call or →Video Chat, mention only her local time and in the 12-hours-system. Never write, „I call you at 13 o’clock London time“. Always write instead, „I call you at 8 p.m. Thailand time“. Many ladies don’t know much about time shift, may not even be fully aware of it, the calculations can be confusing. Don’t use her and your local time in one sentence, that’s also confusing. Only mention her local time, and in the 12 hours system (so, not „20 o’clock“, but „8 p.m.“)
  • hide your profile while you are meeting on the ground; tell her that you hid your profile; it avoids →Jealousy. You might want to ask her why she is not hiding her profile

BAD Things for Your Chat and for Your First Date

  • any sexual hint in text, voice, image
  • inquiries about her previous love life
  • touching her anyhow
  • her government; religion and criticism of religion; in Thailand the royal institutions
  • alcohol; cigarettes; drugs
  • any negativity about her country (corruption, dirt, traffic, heat, politics, insects, infrastructure, crime, food)
  • anything that worries or angers you
  • subtle irony, sarcasm or even cynisism (it’s not usual and not popular; it’s especially problematic in electronic communication, with non-native speakers and a cultural gap)
  • the joke she might be after money or social climbing
  • complaints about scamming or money-hungry Asian ladies on the dating platform
  • unrequested reports about your ex partners
  • boasting about women or wealth (living, travel, car, job)
  • personal questions that might expose her as poor, uneducated or underdeveloped (living, education, travels)

Video Chat

Only by video chat  („vc“) you can properly verify a lady, short of flying there. „Verified photos“ don’t convince the same way, just make scammers look more serious. If a lady refuses a video chat repeatedly, block her. Some ladies request a video chat with you even in their profile text, and rightfully so, what with all the male scammers.

Only in video chat you find out if she’s real; you’ll see her language skills, her attitude, if she’s considerate and easy-going. You might see her style of living and her family, certainly her poodle.

Not both of you have to install the same program/app for video calls, not even an account is needed for both of you. At least with Skype, Facetime and Zoom, only one participant needs to install the program/app and to create an account. For instance, you install Skype, Facetime or Zoom and create an account: Then you can send out a link as an invitation (as was popular with Zoom during pandemic). The recipient simply clicks/taps the link, gives herself a chat name, and the video chat is ongoing. Perhaps the recipient must explicitly allow the use of microphone and camera; this might be a problem for unexperienced users.

The free dating site DateinAsia.com allows video chats straight out of her profile, without any external service or installations.

Thais usually have good internet; the video chat will be technically smooth and no  financial worry for her. Filipinas sometimes have bad internet which is still expensive for them; the video chat might suffer interruptions and she might need to watch the cost. (→Thailand, →Philippines)

Prepare for your video call. Fix mobile phone or laptop on eye level, so that you’re not filming straight into your double chin and nostrils. Arrange silence and a presentable (not boastful, not cluttered) background. Check sound, video and network ahead of the call. Turn off effect filters.

After a while you could offer her a video round trip through your place (if that doesn’t seem boastful) or a look out of the window. Don’t ask her for a video walk through her place, she might not want that.

Unsuspecting Asian ladies have suffered shocking video calls with exhibitionistic western gentlemen letting it all out. You please be a nobleman:

Promise at first chance „just a short polite video chat face to face, nothing crazy“; that soothes minds. Ask her politely and inobtrusively if she would like a video call at all and if she would like to share her Skype name. Make an appointment for a video chat on another day. Don’t call her for a video chat out of the blue, she first wants to comb her hair.

There’s a known scam around video chats where the lady suddenly takes off her clothes, asks you to strip down as well and start hankypanky. That scene could end up publicly on YouTube or even on your Facebook, if you don’t pay protection money. But who’s that stupid anyway.

National Language and Regional Language

Learn a bit of the national language – „thanks“, „delicious“, „how are you“, „no problem“ and polite forms of address. It will create sympathy for you, also in her family who might be less anglophone.

For beginners, there are enough web sites, DVDs and tourists‘ phrase books. Of course: If you know just ten words of the national language, you will certainly be asked whether you have (had) a love relationship in-country.

Grab a bit of the regional language; that generates even more sympathy and opens hearts. Locals will teach you happily, and there are online resources.

The Philippines and Indonesia have dozens or hundreds of regional languages („local language“ or „local dialect“) completely different from the national language. Depending on the region, Filipanas might speak Cebuano (Visayas), Ilokano, Illongo, Warai, Kapampangan. Thailand has significant regiolects in the Northeast (Isarn), in the North and in the far South. If you do know the regional language of a poor area, some people will think you met prostitutes from that area in the capital.

At the First Date

Let her select the place (if reasonable) and the food, so that she feels comfortable. Avoid any kind of pressure. Conservative or shy Asians ask to bring a lady-friend or sister – accept them happily, make them just as comfortable (without making your intended date jealous).

Bring a small gift from home. Or bring good fruit or roses from town. Just show a gesture; it’s not about the price.

In Asia, usually the man/the richest/the oldest of a dinner party will pay the full bill. Accept that on a first date, including for a chaperone. Not just foreigners are treated that way, local males face the same challenge.

Thai ladies often order too much and leave it on the plates. That’s no disrespect for your wallet – without foreigners they act the same way (→Thailand).

Show up freshly showered and shaved, with squeaky fresh attire, a drop of aftershave. You shouldn’t be styled up, but you should be squeaky clean. Anyway westerners hardly manage to look as clean as middle-class Thais or Filipinos. Observe how local middle-class men dress in public: long trousers, closed shoes, polo shirt or shirt; act consequently.

Jealousy and Drama

Compared to western encounters, you might meet more jealousy and drama if you

  • text-chat with more than one lady in the same space of time
  • have coffee dates with more than one lady in the same space of time
  • log into the dating site and don’t send her smile-emojis and replies within 2 minutes

Don’t accept such controlling behaviour. Tell her you will now take a break from chatting to her for a week – and see if she backs down. Often she will back down, yet mope occasionally later.

Travel Planning

  • Line up a few candidates in the same region, so that you can meet several ladies (not on the same afternoon) without having to change places. (→Jealousy)
  • Go there in the dry, cool season. It’s so much more inviting than the hot wet seasons for little walks or excursions to get to know each other. Christmas and New Year are too busy though with domestic and international tourists.
  • Get a good travel guide book. It has great knowledge about the country and great suggestions for little excursions and restaurants to get more acquainted. Further research her specific area on Google Maps and perhaps TripAdvisor.
  • Bring a few considerate gifts. It’s not about value, but about mindfulness.
  • If she’s into music: Save 20 or 50 music files that she likes on mobile phone or laptop and bring along a decent Bluetooth speaker. The effect can be amazing.
  • Bring decent long trousers, closed shoes, shaver and aftershave. Research laundry service in the hotel or (cheaper) next to the hotel.
  • Book a hotel where she can be at ease even when just waiting in the lobby, and in respectable environment. Do avoid hotels for sex tourists or group tours and perhaps intimidating luxury. Do not expect (or accept) accommodation at her own place.
  • You’re meeting in a town where she needs her own accommodation? Book a completely separate room for her (unconnected to your room), and pay for it without making her feel guilty about it. She needs her very own, lockable space. She wouldn’t and shouldn’t hop into your cot in night 1, that’d be a bad sign.
  • Listen to her hotel recommendations, but do your own research – she might recommend dumps or five star palaces.
  • Some ladies want to pick you up at the airport and bring you to the hotel. Don’t accept such taking possession (even if you’d like a local guide). Ignore her questions for your time of arrival and flight number.
  • Don’t forget to prepare for →Your Own Local SIM Card.

Your Own Local SIM Card

You need your own local mobile phone number by getting a local SIM card for your Asian destination. With that local SIM card in your mobile phone, you’ll have uncomplicated communication with ladies, taxi drivers, restaurants, new friends. Also you’ll have internet access in your pocket – very important.

SIM cards, phone calls and mobile data in Asia are often cheaper than in Europe, even for international calls. Telecommunications in Thailand usually work very well, in the Philippines often adequately.

Your western SIM card might well work in Asia by Roaming. But that’s very expensive. Also no Asian will ever call or text you in Asia if you’re using a western country code.

So do acquire your own Asian SIM card. If your home number needs to remain active, bring two mobile phones or a dual SIM device.

Already from home, you should research the following with your contact, on web sites and in travel forums:

  • For buying a local SIM card, do I need to provide a local address in-country? If yes, can it be a hotel’s address? If an address is required, keep a paper with that address in your passport.
  • Which mobile phone provider has the best Prepaid-coverage (not Postpaid) and the best service in your area? (Some Thai companies are much better at English than others, while Filipino companies use English anyway.) But remember: Thai ladies often use Postpaid SIM cards that function better than Prepaid SIM cards from the same company; but you are usually restricted to Prepaid. So, online you should ask other travellers or expats for their Prepaid experience in your intended area.
  • Is it cheaper if you and your date use the same phone provider?
  • Where are the best exchange rates at the airport, for cash or credit card, and are they open at your ETA?
  • Where are the counters of the mobile phone companies at the airport, and when are they open?

Continue like that:

  1. From home, you bring passport, additional passport pictures and a mobile phone.
  2. After touchdown at the Asian airport, first get local currency.
  3. If needed, switch your mobile phone to English for the phone company clerks (not to Thai, you might not find back to your own language later).
  4. Now you buy a SIM card right at the airport. Usually you need passport, passport copies, passport pictures, and local cash.

From the clerk, order a generous mobile phone balance (called „top-up“ in Thailand and „load“ in the Philippines). Let them prepare your phone for mobile data (i.e. internet in the phone without wifi) and let them explain international calls. Inquire when and how to use your mobile so that the number or your credit won’t expire.

At least Thailand has special SIM cards for tourists. There is no big problem either in the Philippines, Malaysia, Bangladesh, Indonesia, Iran and perhaps Cambodia; but do your research from home. (Just India is a hassle.)

Once you’re done at the phone company’s counter, you can switch your phone back from English to your preferred language. They will stick your home SIM card to a piece of cardboard – find it right now and keep it with your valuables.

A SIM card at the airport is easier and faster than visiting a service in downtown: The employees at the airport know foreigners‘ requirements and speak enough English. They will configure your smartphone as required (only in India I suffered unwanted manipulations).

You could ask your contact to get a SIM card for you in advance. This costs money (the SIM card may be cheap, the credit costs more). Depending on local regulations, it’s tedious and you might have to check out the correct SIM size for your phone. I’d tend to avoid a depency like that.

Especially in Thailand

Compared with Filipinas, many Thai ladies are more affluent, self-confident, more stylish and more patriotic (including pride about Thai royalty, Thai food, Thai people, Thai landscapes). Thai ladies are less exposed to western pop culture (music, Hollywood, fast food).

Thais are more interested in ecology, health, food, fitness, yoga, meditation and may have more geography on hand. They see so many more western tourists including their excesses, and they travel more, domestically and abroad, for pleasure and business. More often than Filipinas they would like to live with their partner within Thailand, aren’t as interested to move abroad. Relatively few Thais work abroad.

Thailand has its own distinct culture with special formalities. They happily excuse many cultural lapses of the western visitor as long as he’s trying, smiling and neatly dressed. Search Dos and Don’ts for Thailand and follow them.

Traditional Thai families expect a Thai or Western husband to pay a high bride price/dowry, in Thai called „sin sot“, especially for young childless ladies. Reasonable in-laws will return the money to the young couple after the wedding, they will invest it in the wedding party or will not even demand it.

You can also impress your wedding party guests by handing over a huge cheque and by tearing up that cheque later together with the in-laws. Inquire early about the bride price and the cost arrangements for the obligatory, lavish wedding party.

Thai ladies often have Postpaid mobile phone contracts with monthly billing and good network, and they have good wifi at home and at work. Electronic communication isn’t expensive for them, video calls are technically smooth. Thai clerks surf dating websites also in the office (which is just as well, considering all the unpaid overtime work they do). Instead of WhatsApp many Thais use the app Line, they simply expect foreigners to do the same („add me in Line“, „Line ID“, →Lexicon); for some dating in Thailand you might want to install Line.

Thai ladies aren’t noise-sensitive, but they are extremely sensitive against bad smells and bad food taste. So always shower, change clothes twice daily, a drop of aftershave. They talk lengthily about healthy as well as about tasty food and often are good cooks, mostly for Thai dishes. They travel far for good food.

And that’s why you shouldn’t urge your Thai lady to eat anything that doesn’t make her smile. Let her choose her own food.

Many Thai dishes are crazily spicy, but there are lovely mild dishes too, such as tom kha ghai (chicken in coconut milk), shrimp cakes, spring rolls or fish in pepper lemon sauce. Typical spicy Thai dishes such as tom yam khung (shrimp soup) or som tam can well be eaten and ordered un-spicy – just order in Thai „mai phed“ (not spicy) or „no more spicy than for a 3 year old“.

In the restaurant, Thais like to order too much and then leave several plates of side dishes unfinished, because empty plates sadden them. They don’t do this only in the company of „farangs“ (white westerners, →Lexicon), but also among themselves.

Many Thai ladies are Theravada-Buddhists, go to temple at irregular hours, they meditate and make merit (in Thai „tam boon“): they might leave coins in the temple or spend a whole weekend at the orphanage. The happily take you along on a temple trip, where you’d just sit down on the cool clean tile floor or on a cool clean stone bench and observe. Dropping small change into the Donation Box brings sympathy, but isn’t obviously expected. Thai ladies will never urge their religion on you and don’t appreciate proselytizing from you.

The above paragraphs about smells, food and religion also apply to a lesser degree to middle-class Cambodians and Laotians.

Thais are flummoxed and happy if western visitors know – and like – the least bit about Thai language, music or food. So educate yourself online or in a Thai restaurant at home and apply your knowledge, which is a sure winner (→National Language).

Outside of Thai cities and tourist centers, there is little knowledge of English language: The country has never been colonized and doesn’t need English for domestic communication across provincial borders (unlike Philippines, Malaysia or India etc.).

English pronounciation in Thailand is often bizarre and needs getting used to. Consonants and syllables at the words‘ ends are often omitted, „r“ and „l“ are confused: „polite“ sounds like „pollye“, „loyal“ is spelt „royal“. Some Thai ladies claim to visit dating sites to improve their English.

Thailand has its own script, making written English even more difficult for Thais. And it’s not helping that the script has no full stops, no quotation marks, not even spaces between words. Most public Thai signs have smaller English letters under the taller Thai script.

On top of that, there is little grammar in the Thai language, no cases, plurals, past tense, articles, less auxiliaries. This makes English even more difficult for Thais („this my brother two“).

Thais also have their own year count (Wiki; 2022 AD = 2565 BE) und sometimes Thais are not fully aware of western year numbers. Luckily, their months, weekdays and new year don’t differ from the western calendar.

Especially in the Philippines

Compared with Thais, many Filipinas are less affluent. They often have no car, no motor cycle, no laptop, no steady job, no wifi and no western living standard. For electronic communication, they use half-broken mobile phones with sometimes bad network and Prepaid SIM cards.

Thus, Filipinas regularly need to buy new credit (known as „load“), which is charged by data volume or time. Electronic communication does cost her real money. You often hear „I have no load“, meaning she has no mobile credit to contact someone. Network can be bad upcountry. Sometimes they can use limited versions of Facebook, Facebook Messenger and WhatsApp for free, without losing any mobile credit.

More than other Asians, Filipinas suffer from natural desasters such as flooding, volcanoes, desastrous rains and typhoons (especially in the Eastern Visayas, i.e. Leyte and Samar). Most Filipinas happily move overseas to their partner’s location.

Many Filipinas work overseas for years or decades, typically in the Middle East, Japan, Singapore or Hongkong. They call themselves „OFWs“, overseas Filipino workers, and a typical job abroad is „DH“, „domestic help“.

Some overseas Filipinas in their profiles still claim they live in the Philippines, or they mention both Philippine and overseas locations, or they mention a Philippine location, but an „OFW“ job, i.e. abroad. So better ask first about their real current location.

Filipinas know more English than many Thais, even though it may be far from European standard English. They are quite familiar with western mainstream culture, such as pop music, Hollywood and fast food from „MacDo“ or KFC. Some delight in Filipino cooking, though, and will proudly prepare it. They know very little geography especially regarding Europe.

Many Filipinas stress that they are fond of singing – and they often sing western pop or folk. Western suitors gain bonus points if they sing for their lady, or if they accompany their lady on the guitar, even by phone or video call (no joke, and Filipinas  expect little brillance). As in all of SE Asia, karaoke is very popular and a trip to a family friendly karaoke bar may be a great second or third date. She might bring more people. Ask her first for the expected cost.

Filipinas take online friendships very seriously. They like „chat mates“, electronic pen pals. After two weeks of friendly text-chatting, Filipinas may see themselves in a steady monogamous relationship with you, including all consequences (→Jealousy). Some Filipinas do have a monogamous relationship with a completely digital „Facebook boyfriend“.

Some Filipinas inquire about your WhatsApp number. This may be because WhatsApp and Facebook are sometimes free to use, they don’t eat up their mobile phone credit (the „load“). They may also ask your WhatsApp number for spam, scam or the sale of real existing numbers.

On average, Filipinas are less health and environmentally conscious, they accept a larger age gap and more traditional roles in the relationship. Strongly ingrained Christianity sometimes leads to feelings of guilt, and words such as „hell“, „sin“ or „fornication“ can be heard in real life.

Even some mothers in this Catholic country know very little about the mechanics of love-making. They may describe themselves as „not liberated“ and „not open-minded“. Be mindful, and spare her your special requests.

The poor-rich-gap between between her and you may be very wide indeed and needs to be stomached somehow. Some Filipinas like to surprise you with photos of very sick relatives, motorcycle crashes and outrageous pharmacy bills.

Glossary Online-Dating Southeast-Asia

  • 555 | TH | „5“ in Thai is pronounced „ha“ (falling tone), so „555“ sounds like „hahaha“, laughter
  • AC | PH | short for Angeles City, a Filipino town with a gogobar strip (also short for „air condition“ and „alternating current“)
  • add | TH | Thai English for „add me to contact list, so we can connect and text-chat“, for instance adding to →WhatsApp or →Line contacts (as in, „add me“ or „add me in Line“)
  • adventurous | PH | in their profiles, many Filipinas profess to be „adventurous“; this means they like a nature walk sometimes; it doesn’t mean anything more
  • ATM | some ladies stress in their profiles they weren’t looking for a „walking ATM“, i.e. they weren’t looking for a sponsor
  • bakla | PH | Filipino word for →ladyboy, perhaps derogatory
  • bar girl | young lady working in a beer bar in the entertainment district, often availabe for paid sex. Some tourists don’t know any other people; hence some ladies in their profiles stress to be „not a bar girl“. Bar girls‘ profiles may be recognized by photo background, perhaps personal appearance or sexual innuendo
  • BPO | PH | „business process outsourcing“; typical job of Filipinas in Filipino centers such as Manila, Cebu or Clark near Angeles City; indicates some education, knowledge of English and IT, a bit of income, many night shifts. →CSR
  • butterfly | TH | in Thai Englisch an unfaithful man „fluttering“ from lady to lady, never committing, sometimes just a word for a sex tourist; can be noun or verb („he butterflies too much“); similarly negative for some Filipinas is →“flirt“
  • crossed fingers, „finger heart“ 🤞 | PH | this gesture has financial connotations in the West; but it means „love“ or „heart“ in South Korea and in the Kpop and Kdrama obsessed Philippines – presented on many profile photos (Wiki). That’s an irritating gesture if you are used to its meaning in the West
  • CSR | PH | „customer service representative“; typical job of Filipinas in Filipino centers such as Manila, Cebu or Clark near Angeles City; indicates some education, knowledge of English and IT, a bit of income, maybe night shifts (Wiki). →BPO
  • DH | PH | „domestic help“, typical Filipina job in the Philippines and abroad (→OFW)
  • Esarn | TH | →Isarn
  • Facebook Messenger | PH | messenger service not unlike →WhatsApp or →Skype, often just called „Messenger“ (they might mean Yahoo Messenger also); was popular in the Philippines, today mostly replaced by WhatsApp
  • farang | TH | Thai word für „white westerner“, often pronounced „fallang“. According to some Thais and foreigners, including Hans D. Blog, the word „farang“ is slightly condescending; conservative polite Thais wouldn’t use the f-word, instead they say „European“ in Thai and English (really meaning „Caucasian“)
  • flirt | PH | this word has a negative tinge for Filipinas, indicating (in their mind) unfaithful straying, similar to →“butterfly“ in Thailand. So don’t say „I was only flirting“
  • freelance, freelancer | TH | in Thai tourist centers such as Pattaya, Bangkok, Phuket, this may or may not mean „part time prostitute not affiliated with a bar or salon“. She may find customers via online dating, on the street, in discoes or in freelance bars. To distinguish yourself from „sex freelance“, better say „self-employed“
  • FWB, F+ | „friends with benefits“ or „friendship plus“ →fun
  • fun | TH | in Thai Englisch often means quick, non-commital sex with or without payment; some dating profiles offer „fun“, others exclude it explicitly; similar meaning to „FWB“, „F+“, „hook-up“, „ONS“; differing from →“funny“ and differing from „fun to be with“
  • funny | TH | in Thai Englisch often means jocular character, laughs to love, happy-go-lucky, not so serious always, a welcome trait, no sexual connotation; similar phrases in the PH are „sense of humour“ or „fun to be with“; differs sharply from →“fun“
  • game, play game | often means romance scams, non-commital sex on his part including some deceiving; in the dating context, „game“ usually doesn’t mean Monopoly, Angry Birds, football or Bridge (ähnlich →“fun“, anders als →“play this app“)
  • generous | several meanings including non-materialistic (Thesaurus); according to their profiles, many Asian ladies hope to find a „generous“ man, but rarely say they themselves are „generous“
  • her, his | PH | some Filipinas (esp from the Visayas) confuse „her“ and „his“, „him“ and „her“, „he“ and „she“, sometimes „e“ and „i“ („enteristing“); this can confuse your talk
  • holiday girlfriend, holiday gf | TH | a Thai lady escorting  accompanying an affluent westerner for a 2 weeks holiday from beach to bedroom, with or without salary; explicitly excluded on many profiles, explicitely offered on a few others
  • hook-up | →ONS
  • ID, ID Line | TH | →Line
  • Isarn | TH | relatively poor region in Northeast Thailand, home area of many ladies in Bangkok and Pattaya, partly with its own culture, food and language, larger cities include Khon Kaen, Udon Thani, Ubon Ratchathani; also spelt Isaan, Esarn
  • kathoey | TH | Thai word for →ladyboy
  • ladyboy | born male, feels and behaves as a women, mostly searches male partners, sometimes changes body to be more female by hormones and surgery. The dating sites pinalove.com and thaifriendly.com have a third gender „ladyboy“ besides „male“ and „female“. On other dating sites, ladyboys may call themselves „male“ and „gay“ or „female“ (despite male body). In there profiles not all ladyboys can’t be distinguished from real women, so it’s quite ok to ask politely: „Were you born as a girl 100%?“ Other synonyms: bakla (in PH), kathoey (in TH), lb, shemale, transgender, TG, transsexual, TS; not all descriptions are respectful; ladyboys and relationships with ladyboys aren’t always approved of by Asians
  • lb | →ladyboy
  • LDR | PH | „long distance relationship“. Some Filipinas accept LDRs without even one single personal encounter
  • learn | TH | in Thai Englisch it means „slowly getting to know each other“, not go to bed right away
  • Line | TH | messenger service à la →WhatsApp or →Skype, popular in Thailand; that’s why Thai ladies name or ask a Line account name to →“add“, calling it „Line ID“, „ID Line“ or just „ID“ („add me in Line“)
  • Line ID | TH | →Line
  • little bit | TH | in Thai Englisch it means „very little or rather nothing“ and not „quite a bit already“; it may still be a strong understatement
  • LTR | „long term relationship“, desired by many Asian daters
  • Messenger | PH | →Facebook Messenger
  • morena | PH | in the Philippines, it means „a rather dark skin, not a rather fair skin“; occasionally darker skin is looked down upon, so sometimes the compliment „you have a beautiful dark skin“ is not welcome, also arm-to-arm comparisons with your Caucasian skin sometimes sadden Asian ladies
  • nick name | TH | Thai „cheu len“. Thai ladies have a very long official name and usually a different, short nick name which is used throughout, including Fon (Rain), Gop (frog), Meow (cat), Noi (Little), Lek (also Little), →Porn (blessing, gift), but also English nick names such as Beer, Apple, Guitar (about Thai Nick Names)
  • nose-bleed | PH | some Filipinas claim to suffer nose-bleed when they are forced to talk or read Englisch for extended time
  • OFW | PH | „overseas Filipino worker“, i.e. Filipinas working abroad for months or years, typically in Middle East, Singapur, Japan or Hongkong, often as domestic help (→DH) (Wiki)
  • ONS | „one night stand“; explicitely excluded by „good girls“, offered by others, similar to „FWB“, „F+“, „hook-up“, „fun“, „game“
  • Pinay | PH | colloquial Filipino expression for „Filipina lady“; not sure if there is a derogatory tinge to it
  • Pinoy | PH | colloquial Filipino expression for „Filipino man“ or „of Filipino origin“; not sure if there is a derogatory tinge to it
  • play this app, play internet | TH | in Thai-Englisch simply means „use this app“, „use the internet“, no playful or secretive meaning (anders als →“game“, „play game“)
  • polite | TH | important male trait according to Thai ladies, they often pronounce it „pollai“; important also for Filipinas, who will mostly use the word „respectful“ instead
  • Porn | TH | Thai word for „blessing“, „gift“ and popular →nick name, also in connected words such as Siriporn, Supaporn, Thanaporn, Pornthip, Pornsat, also in business names; that’s why some profile names include the parts „porn“ oder „gift“; has nothing to do with sex films or wild action; avoid innuendo
  • respectful | PH | important male trait according to Filipina ladies; important also for Thai ladies, who will mostly use the word „polite“ instead
  • sexy | TH | in Thai language and in Thai Englisch the word means „sensually feminine“; in Thailand (and Cambodia and Vietnam) it has a much less restricted use than in the west, it is less erotically charged and may be a welcome compliment for young ladies
  • shemale | →ladyboy
  • Skype | service for video calls (→chapter Video Calls), text message and for exchanging large video/image/sound files. Thus competes with →WhatsApp, but unlike WhatsApp is easily installed on computers, not just mobile phones, and allows anonymous user accounts. Your contact doesn’t have to install Skype and to create an account name; it’s enough to create a Skype link in Skype and mail it to your contact
  • sugar daddy | PH | a „sugar daddy“ (old man) has a longer relationship with a „sugar baby“ (much younger woman); he pays her a monthly stipend and receives sex and girl-friend experience in return; some Filipinas explicitly search for „daddy“ or „sugar“; others explicitly exclude it
  • Tagalog | PH | regional language around Manila, almost identical with national language Filipino (→chapter National Language); some Filipinos far from Manila prefer Englisch over Tagalog/Filipino
  • take care | TH | in Thai English it mostly means „to look well after each other“, but may mean „finance my live“
  • tattoo | more conservative ladies dislike larger or any tattoes. Some Thais wear traditional tattooes for instance on their shoulder blades. Some tattooed Asians show their tattooes explicitly in profiles, others hide them
  • tongue out | the tongue out on profile photos is usually not meant naughty-sexually; it’s a little joke
  • Transgender | →ladyboy
  • TS | Transsexual, →ladyboy
  • Valentine’s Day | many Asian ladies, especially Filipinas, are aware of Valentine’s Day on February 14. They may not expect a gift or a dinner, but certainly a „Happy Valentine’s Day“ message accompanied by heart, kiss and floral emojis 😘💋😙💏💐💌🥰. They often expect the Valentine’s Day greeting even if you are just remote chat buddies
  • VC | PH | „video chat“ or „video call“ (→chapter Video Call)
  • Viber | PH | messenger service à la →WhatsApp oder →Skype, was popular on the Philippines, now uninstalled in favour of Whatsapp
  • wai | TH | polite Thai greeting and gesture of respect or thankyou with palms pressed together in front of your chest 🙏; note various forms of wais depending on age and status of the other person and when not to wai. Used to a lesser degree also in Laos and Cambodia. (Wiki)
  • WhatsApp | PH | messenger service for text, pictures and video calls (→chapter Video Call), popular with Filipinas. If you share your WhatsApp number, thus you often share your real mobile number. This can be used for spamming, scamming or sale. A potentially more anonymous alternative would be →Skype, among others including →Line in Thailand.

Good Girl: Asian Ladies and their Image

In public and at home, most Asian ladies are more conservative and „good girl“ than European women – even when wearing curvy dresses. This guide is about the good girls.

Yes, on the dating sites you do see bikini stunners, underwear models, busty babes and lascivious vamps. On the dating sites, (perceived) freelance prostitutes announce „fun“, „not serious“, „not for free“, „freelance“, „love exercise“ and „sugar“. Pictures of neon-lit entertainment strips in Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket-Patong, Manila-Makati or Angeles City aren’t easily forgotten.

Still, almost all Asian ladies are decidedly „good girls“: religious, strictly monogamous and very different from saliva-dripping clichés. See how they often bathe in the sea: with shorts, bra and t-shirt. And that’s true as well for nocturnal centers such as Pattaya, Olongapo or Phuket.

These places do have a few gogo girls and sex massage therapists. But the vast majority of all females are – like anywhere – accountants, sellers, city clerks, teachers, hotel staff, doctors etc. etc. A letdown for sex tourists.

So if a lady from a dating site lives in „Pattaya“ oder „Bangkok-Sukhumvit“, this does not indicate her profession or her character. You might gain hints from photos or text.

Anyway many of the more sultry profiles are fake, scam, spam, perhaps posted from another country by male scammers. And the Asian entertainment strips go for only two short roads in big countries, they are not connected to the local culture. Most middle class locals look down on prostitutes and their clientele.

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